Unlike overt narcissists covert narcissists tend to appear innocent shy modest and altruistic at first. But when you start interacting with them you realize that they are not at all what you think they are. Here’s what covert narcissists say to show they’re deceptive harmful and So narcissistic.
What is covert narcissism?
Covert narcissists also known as vulnerable narcissists have fewer visible signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Although they may still have narcissistic traits they also seem to be emotionally humble vulnerable and shy.
They are often sensitive to the opinions and criticisms of others and tend to feel worried and stressed. Often covert narcissists say self-deprecating things and constantly compare themselves to others.
A 2021 study explains: “Vulnerable narcissism means overt narcissism low self-esteem hypervigilance shyness social withdrawal and emotional hypersensitivity.” No matter how they appear to be covert narcissists they have Major narcissistic traits such as –
- Being self-involved
- Hypersensitive to criticism
They lack empathy and often lack self-esteem and confidence. They are also highly self-aware and socially insecure and defensive.
The covert narcissist is desperate for the attention and admiration of others. However covert narcissists are experts at hiding their subtle narcissistic traits which makes them harder to identify.
So what do covert narcissists say to help you identify one? Here’s what covert narcissists say can reveal their reality and help you discover one no matter how hard they try to hide their true nature –
1. “I’ve never said anything like this you look confused. “
This is one of the most common things that covert narcissists say. Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that narcissists use to manipulate and control their victims.
Covert narcissists lie to deny or mislead victims into false narratives that may cause victims to question their own sanity.This is one of the most commonly used narcissistic tactics because it confuses and fills the victim with self-doubt making it easier for them to control.
Related reading: 8 Signs You’re Dealing With a Vulnerable Narcissist
2. “No one wants me to succeed but I will. “
Research has shown that pathological narcissism is associated with paranoia. The researchers observed that narcissists’ automatic negative thought patterns and hypersensitivity to insults from others can lead to “persistent paranoid thoughts.” They think that “even if Subtle changes in the dynamics of existing relationships indicate negative underlying motivations in others. “
So statements like “no one wants to see me happy” or “I’ll show you all what I’m capable of” are some of the common things that covert narcissists say. They believe that everyone is lucky but them or that someone else is conspiring against them so they fail at everything.
Because of their external points of control they are never in control of their lives and have no motivation to try. They believe that everyone hates them and tries to take advantage of them even if it’s not true.
3. “YoYou have no idea how much I have suffered. “
Covert narcissists have a strong sense of inadequacy and entitlement which leads to resentment and victimization. Because of their lack of confidence and self-esteem they feel good about themselves by pretending to be victims.
They want others to believe that narcissists have suffered a lot in their lives so they deserve your sympathy love and admiration.
4. “Oh, that was no big deal.”
This is one of the things that covert narcissists say because they have a hard time accepting compliments. Covert narcissists are highly insecure people with poor self-awareness.
Whenever they are complimented for doing well they either downplay their efforts or counter your compliment with self-deprecating remarks.
They might say “Oh that’s so easy you could have done better than me if you were there.” Statements like this often lead to further compliments and affirmations from others that the narcissist is desperately seeking.
5. “Everyone let me down and I’d rather be alone. “
Because of their lack of empathy covert narcissists cannot understand feelings. As they are unable to connect with others they become emotionally and socially in need of help. Their relationships are often hollow and superficial as they are highly self-involved and contribute nothing relation.
As a result their partners eventually realize how empty the narcissist is and the relationship ends earlier than expected. So “I’m better off by myself” are some of the words that covert narcissists say.